Can we talk about Christmas decorations? I love the spirit of the season–the lights, the trees, the poinsettias…100%. I love that day when the ornaments come out and the family bonds over the memories of them. But to be honest - that’s kinda the only part that they do. Unpacking, assembling and reshaping the artificial tree… me. Wrapping garlands and lights on the porch railing? Me. Finding extension cords, replacing damaged bulbs, and ultimately - putting all that stuff back in the boxes… me.
The thing is though - I created this situation decades ago. In my early days of motherhood and creating a home I wanted all that Christmas magic, and I didn’t trust anyone else to do it right. Created all that stress for myself and then got a little resentful when I got too tired. Classic controller/people-pleaser situation.
The year I lost my dad, I truly didn’t have the energy to put into it all. The two months prior to Christmas had consumed all my emotional energy and honestly, I was just sad. We unboxed the tree but then I. was. done. The family was ready to go and where I would normally play director (First wrap lights! THEN garlands! THEN balls! THEN heirlooms!)...I could only sit and look at the tree and the boxes. I told the fam they could do whatever they wanted or do nothing at all. Just having the tree there would be fine.
Then something delightful happened. My silly creative family went nuts. Decided to make an ‘alternative tree’. Ran all over the house and found absurd random items and put them on the tree while I sat still on the couch with a glass of wine. Shoes, old toys from the basement, something about Fortnite, dog toys, an umbrella. The tree was decorated with the absurd detritus of our lives and I loved it. It was all done in about 15 minutes and we laughed and laughed and laughed which was just what I needed. Cookie-cutter catalog Christmas tree never created a memory quite like the alternative Christmas tree did.
Since then we’ve gone back to the traditional approach, but I’ve also let go a little. Some years I do the porch garland, some I put a wreath on the door and call it a day. I give my silly creative family some latitude and get a bit more whimsy in our holiday. (Some latitude - letting go of a lifetime of controlling behavior is an on-going pratice…)
It took total emotional exhaustion to get me to let go of my controlling, perfectionist holiday tendencies. I choose not to wait for exhaustion to let go and enjoy the season…
I hope you can do the same…
[If this seems impossible for you, my next Mental Fitness course starts January 25 🙂]
In the meantime, enjoy some highlights from the Alternative Tree…
What I’m Consuming
Holiday TV
Every family has their favorite Christmas movies and we are no exception. I have to admit, we are a Love Actually family (please don’t flame me with all its problematic themes – I acknowledge its flaws and love it anyway, just like people in my life) But a new favorite is the Christmas episode from season 2 of Ted Lasso. We have decided to make it an annual tradition. This is a nice article sharing other fun new/old classics.
Woo Woo with Rachel Dratch
The Gen X comedian club gives me endless joy. Fans of Good Hang with Amy Poehler might have heard fellow SNL alum Rachel Dratch talk about her own podcast with the high concept of hearing people’s (many of them celebrities) stories about ghost encounters, near death experiences and more. I fully enjoyed hearing Juliana Margulies describe the past-life regression hypnosis by her dad.
What’s Up at StepOne
New Year, New Mindset
Inner peace, clear-headed thinking, greater purpose and resilience in just 8 weeks. My next mental fitness mindset course starts in late January. Learn more and join the waiting list here.
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